Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
