i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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