No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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