Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
