We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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