hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Panties = found
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
