I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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