Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it penis luge time yet?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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