We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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