you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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