new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
