Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
