So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
