So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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