He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So. Much. Porn.
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