So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
