Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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