Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
