i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
