Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
