Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
