She's JV to your varsity
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
