Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
