drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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