I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
