Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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