It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
