Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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