Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
