well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
