I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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