I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
