i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
