Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
