Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
