just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
