so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
