I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
