tell your sister to shave her snatch
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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