Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
