dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
