the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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