trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
