I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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