remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
