sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
