He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
