How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The best revenge is premature balding
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Randomize
