While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
