You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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