ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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