just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
