So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
