how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
